Dear Andy,

I am very sorry to hear you have been diagnosed with MS, the wife of a very
dear friend of mine has this and the cure for it I would dearly like to
find.

As for schizophrenia - I have had this a long, long time and I do think that
there is an element of truth in the delusions.  There has just been a
message from Damodara on the newsgroup talking about some kind of "sync"
that happens occasionally, where you are totally in tune with TV/radio.
This is just one fragment of a myriad of so many, many delusions.

Were you around when Galig used to post to the newsgroup?  She had a deep
affinity with trees and stars and felt she was some kind of elf, with
literal "memories" of another world she was in before this one.

If you follow the newsgroup long enough you will see many delusions surface.
The only real worry I personally have is how real they are in the sense of
if the beautiful delusions are real, then it must follow that the fearful
ones are real also.  If I "hear" angels or feel I am close to something
heavenly and spiritual then is this realer than Girl, who fears demons and
the like.

I do feel there is something more - I could write a book about the delusions
I have had, the memories that seem to come from before this life and another
time, the terror I feel at trying to understand time.  Memories from within
my own life of a boy called Peter coming to my window and saying to me "Tell
me when you think you are going to remember this" and being so young I used
to say "What does remember mean?" and Peter would say "When you know what
remember means, then you will remember" and I just remember sitting on the
window sill with him one night prior to flying out into the skies and saying
"Peter I think I am going to remember this" and he said that he could not
come again.  This is a REAL life memory, not a delusion, and it gives me
such faith and strength that there IS something more, something of the
spirit, something of the soul.

Don't let me go on too much otherwise I will never stop ..........

Write to me if you are interested in hearing more.

I think you will find most schizophrenics think very deeply about life and
faith and things like that.  Most of us have probably read The Revelations
and I am sure many of us have had the terrible fear that we are someone
important and someone bad, or alternatively someone important and someone
good.

The drugs may keep it under control, but they don't really make it all
disappear.

Best regards,

Michelle
(Strange lost duck in the sky)